


In The City Alone

by Chegaris



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2nd pairing nielwoon, Angst, Healing journey, Jumping between past and present, M/M, Mentioned Jackson, Slice of Life, Songfic, Story in fragment, ambiguous ending, cameo eunwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 08:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19460455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chegaris/pseuds/Chegaris
Summary: Seongwu and his healing journey.Songfic inspired by Bol4’s Seattle Alone





	In The City Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I never write in this kind of format before so it worries me a lot. I know it can be confusing, but I sure hope u can still grasp and enjoy the story despite it all. 
> 
> Anyway i am always open for comments and critics if you want to drop your thought. I might delete this if it happens to be so confusing for lots of people. (Yes, i am very insecure) 
> 
> But well, i know you don’t come to hear me rant so here it goes.
> 
> If you like the reference pics of places i’ve mentioned is here (my annoying comments are there too sorry can’t help it) : https://www.dropbox.com/s/3anx50wbhq6fm3r/Seattle.docx?dl=0

_In that city that seems like a dream_

_Somehow I might forget you_

—

The house looks the same as he first saw it. A three story townhouse that stands between rows of similarly designed buildings. It seems cold when he first came, especially with the gray paint and Seattle’s gloomy weather in the background. However now, it only exudes fond memories and warm feelings.

“Seongwu!” the front door opens revealing brown haired man shorter than him.

Without hesitation, he takes a big step toward the figure; enveloping him in a big hug, “Hyung!”

“Why are you standing outside for so long? Come in!”

The invitation brings Seongwu to enter the place where he has spent his youth.

Nothing much has changed since he left. The first floor consists of garage and a coat room leading to the second floor. There, they have their kitchen and living room. The third floor is where their bedrooms are; two bedrooms with a bathroom to share. The house is not big, but it was enough for them.

Still, there are some changes that Seongwu can’t help but notice. The house has more stuffs now; pictures of Sungwoon with people Seongwu can’t recognize anymore and decorations that they don’t buy together. There are also things that were here before but nowhere to be found now, like the fake fireplace that they first brought to create the ‘western’ atmosphere, or the fake Andy Warhol painting Seongwu used to love, or _him_...

Their first meeting was in this very living room as well; him staying beside the fake fireplace that illuminated his figures poorly and Seongwu cozying himself in their old sofa they got from a thrift store. Late spring. The first year when Seongwu first moved in. They were celebrating a friend’s birthday—fellow Korean whose name he has forgotten by now. It is funny how he can clearly remember him from that night though. Dressed in his light brown knitted sweater, he looked so pale like a porcelain doll. Seongwu wondered how someone can possibly look that good.

That night, Seongwu noticed him following his every moves. His foxy eyes was full of curiosity; so striking that it overcame loud chatters in the room until it become indistinguishable whisper in his ear. Seongwu should be disturbed, but how could he? He was a young snobbish boy; proud of getting the attention of the most good looking man in the room.

When Sungwoon introduced them later in the night, Seongwu finally learned the name that will occupy a place in his heart.

_Hwang Minhyun._

“Seongwu? What are you looking at?” Sungwoon’s question snaps Seongwu back from his reverie.

Fake fireplace gone. Cold.

—

_I left you and now I’m in that city,_

_But you kept finding me._

_—_

“I dare you to reach the ball!”

It was the third time they met each other. Seongwu was supposed to find his friends among at the mural amphitheatre in Seattle Center. He looked helplessly at the mass of people who had cozying themselves on a picnic blanket or small chairs on the grass. An outdoor movie was going on soon. The Theory of Everything. It was a movie that he had wanted to see but never got the chance to.

Movie at the mural in summer was one of his bucket list. An experience that he was really interested in when he first learned about the city where he would be living in—watching movie on a grass with Space Needle as a background.

The thing is Seongwu’s phone was dying and there was no way to confirm his friends’ location among this many people unless he wanted to scream their name every couple metres. Seongwu sighed at the impossibility.

It was an unusually sunny day in Seattle; a perfect weather to do an outdoor activity. Popcorn in one hand and ice coffee in the other, Seongwu had resigned to his fate to enjoy his movie back home. Alone.

‘ _There will be a lot more interesting movies to catch on later’_ assured him confidently though he couldn’t deny the disappointment looming over quietly.

That is until he bumped into a familiar figure. Sitting alone in his white plain tee and overwashed denim. The man was concentrating on a pamphlet on his hand, lips unconsciously pouting when trying to decipher the words. It was cute. _He_ was cute.

“Minhyun-ssi?”

The man finally looked up from his paper. His nonexistent eyebrows were lifted up when he recognized his interruptor.

“Ong-ssi?”

Up to that day, Seongwu knew Minhyun as the handsome guy with a calm and composed demeanor. He bowed deeply whenever meeting fellow Koreans in school, spoke in formal language, and could most often be found in the library.

Nothing prepared him of this Minhyun who had decided to be his accompaniment for the day. This Minhyun actually laughed wholeheartedly to his jokes, gave the same reaction throughout the movie, had a good taste of books and movies, made lots of lame jokes, and dared Seongwu to run into a giant ball that bursted out water at random places and time when they came across one after the movie.

Seongwu was certainly not a person who’ll back out of a dare. Not now, not then.

“Race you to the ball then!” shouted at him as he made his way to the ball.

Given his luck, it was obvious that the ground that Seongwu chose to walk would suddenly spit water on him, a couple inches to the ball. He watched helplessly as Minhyun’s hand reached the ball in glee.

“I Wi—,” the taller didn’t managed to finish his sentence as the place where he had put his hand suddenly spit water directly to his face.

Seongwu can’t conjure the exact picture of _him_ from that time, but he remembers them laughing so loud until they fell into the wet floor.

The fussy feelings sits heavy on his stomach as if he were here now, laughing that contagious laughter of his.

Instead of laughter, tears that escape Seongwu. Big fat drop of tears like the waterworks from that giant ball in front of him.

—

_I want to hear your voice_

_I want to say that I agree_

—

Seongwu hates the fact that time can be frozen in certain places. The library is exactly the same as he remembers—tall ceilings with complicated carving, vintage lamps, rows of old books in various colors, long wooden table full of students trying to study or just finding a place to stop for awhile. The first time he went there, Seongwu thought of Hogwarts. He looked around and was proud to know that this magical place is a part of his school.

The magical feeling still washes over Seongwu when he opens the door to this place, but there is another feeling as well. Remembrance. _Longing_.

It was his most favorite places; the far left chair of the third row table on the right.

Seongwu sits there and waits.

The memory comes of course.

It is about Minhyun who had his forehead creased for thinking too deep on whatever assignment he had.

It is about Minhyun who had eyebags so dark Seongwu had to force him to sleep on this very table.

It is about Minhyun who pat his head and told him that everything is going to be okay since he has done his best on his test.

It is about Minhyun who laughed at him whenever he fell asleep while studying.

It is about Minhyun who would let himself get dragged out of his comfort place when Seongwu need a friend.

One by one it comes, as if mocking him for not treasuring the time they spent together; for not cherishing each laughters and smiles; for not reaching the hand that had been outstretched for him; for being a coward.

Seongwu sobs until his lungs runs out of air, until he feels so suffocated he feels like passing out.

“Hyung! Stop doing this you’re hurting yourself,” Seongwu looks up to find a pair of concerned eyes.

It is hard to see with his blurry eyes, but the mole under his left eye gives him away.

“Niel..,” he manages to choke before going into another course of sobs.

A hand rubs his back softly, making soothing circle to comfort him. It is warm, but not as warm as his. Seongwu must have gone crazy for everything in this place is a reminder of him.

“ _I miss him so bad,”_

_—_

_If i wasn’t afraid then,_

_the time when you want to say something,_

_I want to hear you_

_—_

It is one of their most favorite activities, lying on the grass overlooking Green Lake while munching off their favorite ice cream; Molly Moon’s for Seongwu and Fainting Goat’s for Minhyun.

The temperature has gone down, but it isn’t that cold yet. Hues of brown, orange, and yellow decorate their surroundings; making it even more beautiful than how it usually is.

Fall is indeed Seongwu’s most favorite season. Though Seattle’s rain is getting even more irritating than it usually is, but no one should ever doubt the beauty of this city. Seongwu doesn’t regret his decision to choose it to pursue his study. He finds a beautiful city, wonderful friends and his love here in Seattle.

“You like Sungwoon hyung,” even though the tone is light, Seongwu knows Minhyun enough to realize the accusation hidden in the statement.

“ _No! I like you!_ ” is what Seongwu wants to scream. Instead the Seongwu he sees looks so panic, “I-I.. Well.. Promise me you won’t tell anyone,”

How can he miss the sadness flashed in his eyes back then and recognizing it so blatantly now.

“Of course! What do you take me for,” Minhyun stands up and dusts some grasses from his pants.

By reflexes, Seongwu feels himself mirror his action. Quickly fastening his pace to match those of Minhyun’s. They walked in silence for awhile. Brown colored tree surrounds them and gentle breeze of fall nudges softly. While Minhyun is busy with his ice cream, Seongwu is busy trying to memorize everything about this man beside him.

“Your ice cream is melting!”

Seongwu looks down to find hand already full of ice cream drips. Before he realizes it, his cone gets whisked away and there’s a pair of hand on his back guiding him off the path into the lake.

“Wash them first,” Seongwu heard him says as he feels ice cold water hits his hand, “That is why I told you to pay attention Seongwu. These things happen because you lose your attention, later you’ll blame it on you bad luck when you are to blame yourself..,” the nags go on and never did Seongwu feels so happy to hear it again.

Tears almost escape his eyes again, but he remembers his promise to Sungwoon and Daniel to stay strong. So he held them back.

“What is it, Ongie?” asks Minhyun.

“ _I miss you. I want to hear you nag until my ear falls off. I want to spend time with you like this. Again and again and..,”_

_“_ Promise me that you won’t be too kind and trying to intervene my relation with hyung,” again the Seongwu says something different from what he has in mind.

The hand that was busily scraping ice cream drips stops it motions. Letting their hands both sink cold in the water.

“I won’t,” Minhyun breaks their eye contact, opting to look at the falling leaves on the ground.

“Okay then I’ll hold on to your words,” the Seongwu smiles as he gives Minhyun’s a pat in the head and walks away lightly in glee.

Seongwu tries so hard to turn his body, but it doesn’t move as he wants it to be. He tries to stop his feet, but he keeps moving away. He tries to scream but nothing comes out.

“STOP! STOP! MINHYUN.. THIS IS NOT ME.. I WANT YOU! I WANT YOU!”

“SEONGWU!” Seongwu feels his body getting shaken so hard until he finally manages to focus his vision.

No more brown colored tree. No more Green lake. Instead he is in his bedroom with Sungwoon crouching beside his bed and worried looking Daniel standing by the foot of his bed.

Seongwu covers his face with his hands only to find it damp. He has been crying. Again.

“I am sorry I cried,” chides him lowly.

“You were having a nightmare, Seongwu. We can hear you from across the room,” explains Sungwoon while brushing his dampened bang.

“Do you want me to make you a cup of tea or hot cocoa, hyung?” asks Daniel softly.

“It is okay Niel. You guys go back to sleep. I’ll be okay,” the pair are hesitant at first, but after some more persuasion they finally leave Seongwu alone.

Sleep doesn’t visit him again that night for he is too afraid. He knows exactly how that dream will continue.

Minhyun announced that he was dating a guy two years their seniors. Seongwu didn’t know why did he hate it so much back then. The unexplainable fury led to their very first fight.

Minhyun still dated the guy despite the fight and Seongwu knows now that the feeling he had was is called jealousy.

—

_You are the one who shines beside me_

—

  


Seongwu watches the big figure moves swiftly in his kitchen, wait he should call it their kitchen now. Never would he imagine finding Daniel doing house chores voluntarily—and being good at it. So far, Daniel’s food has been splendid and Seongwu doesn’t detect any poisoning coming up. The old him would rather cut his tongue than saying this, but he is thankful for the younger presence now.

“I used to really hate you, you know?” mutters Seongwu as he opts to rest his head on the kitchen countertop.

Daniel looks at him smiling, the kind of smile he gives to his kitten, “You don’t exactly hide it, hyung,”

“Well you hog the attention from my favorite people,” points Seongwu out bluntly.

The younger laughs whole-heartedly, “C’mon.. I am the one giving them attention. Those two are spoiled,”

Seongwu joins the laugh. Despite the age (and the look for Minhyun), both are actually demanding babies. It is somehow true that both are needy indeed.

Daniel is Minhyun’s junior from Busan; neighbour they claimed. The younger has been infatuated with Sungwoon since the first time he saw him. Though complaining, Seongwu could sense how his hyung enjoyed the attention Daniel’s gave and even went as far as reciprocating in some. Sungwoon’s attention to Daniel was the kind that Seongwu wished for himself and it irked him for Daniel could get what he yearned so easily.

To add on the salt, Minhyun had been so busy with Daniel. Everyday was filled with Daniel this or Daniel that. Even when they hung out together, Minhyun seemed to be preoccupied with Daniel’s need. It was to the point where Seongwu was sick just hearing Daniel’s name.

“Ah Daniel will need a mop in his apartment,” exclaimed Minhyun as they passed by the cleaning section during their monthly groceries shopping at Target.

The black-haired rolled his eyes when his friend ran to fetch the model he worshipped.

“Do you think Nielie will need this, Seongwu-ah?” pointed Minhyun when they passed a soap dispenser.

“Don’t you think he is big enough to handle his own shopping?” he stopped his cart abruptly in the middle of the aisle.

Minhyun stared at him confusedly.

“I-I-I just don’t think you’re being fair with Jackson-hyung,” he rambled automatically

Jackson was Minhyun’s boyfriend whom Seongwu rarely met. He was a popular senior who seemed to have never ending circle of friends. As Minhyun didn’t really fancy meeting new people, they were rarely seen together. Seongwu knew though they often stayed at each other’s apartment.

“Where is this coming from? Hyung doesn’t say anything though?” Minhyun still looked genuinely confused and it irked Seongwu so much.

“Well, he might not say it, but how can he not! All his boyfriend talk about these days are about this freshmen who comes out of nowhere, demanding attention from everyone,” without realizing it, Seongwu had raised his voice.

“Seongwu.. Are you… mad at me?” asked his friend dumbfoundedly.

Seongwu didn’t know what upset him more. Was it because this Daniel seemed to appear everywhere in his daily life or was it because he realized how childish he had acted or was it because Minhyun who used to be able to read him easily couldn’t even get a single clue now.

In the heat of the moment Seongwu did what he could do best. He turned back and left Minhyun there in the aisle. He didn’t knew how he managed to avoid Minhyun, but he did. As he arrived in his home, he went under the cover of his blanket and cried to his heart content. Crying about things that he didn’t even sure of.

There was a certain emptiness in his heart when an hour had passed and his best friend didn’t even bother to check on him. Seongwu shrugged it off and pulled his tired self to sleep.

When he woke up, the night has fallen and there’s a damp cloth on his forehead.

“Oh you’re awake,” Minhyun smiled, making his round cheeks appeared proudly. He removed the damp cloth from Seongwu’s forehead.

“What-,” Seongwu’s voice was stuck on his throat. There was a lump in his throat that hurt like hell.

“You weren’t feeling well this morning,” explained Minhyun as he magically pulled out a tray of warm soup— _galbitang_.

It was true that he wasn’t feeling well this morning. He remembered complaining about it briefly. It was actually a given as Seongwu had been losing sleep these couple days because of this Daniel issue. Of course, he skipped that certain information as there was no way Seongwu would admit to his defeat, especially that kind of defeat.

Begrudgingly, he took a spoonful of the inviting cuisine.

“You bought this from Ho Soon Yi?” asked him in surprise as he recognized the flavor immediately.

It was hard to find a good Korean restaurant in Seattle, the one that had tasted like home. Hoo Soon Yi was one of the few. However it was located far from their house. It could take up to two hours to go back and forth.

His best friend shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, but the proud smile blooming on his face said different things, “You said this one tastes like your Mom’s,”

There was a warm feeling in his heart which he suspected wasn’t the effect of the warm soup.

Seongwu smiles warmly at the soup that Daniel had placed in front of him a while ago, “He is the most considerate person as well though,”

The younger man replies his smile, “I know, hyung. He is,”

—

_We were dancing through the night,_

_We were walking through the night,_

_I sing on the street when there wasn’t anyone_

—

  


Kerry Park offers the best view of Seattle landscape. Situated on the hill, the park overlooks the whole city with Space Needle on one side and the lake surrounding it on the other. It is a perfect runaway spot for Seongwu.

Bathed in Seattle’s night light, he enjoys the twinkling city lights before him while resting his back onto the sculpture in the park. There is a “no sitting” warning posted on the sculpture, but he doesn’t care. They never care.

Tomorrow is his first day at the office. When he was in college, he always wanted to go back to Korea, living in a place near his family. He never thinks that he’ll voluntary decide to make a permanent living here, a thousand miles away from his family.

“Hey Minhyun-ah.. I’m so nervous you know,” whispers him to the wind.

No one answer him of course.

Sighing, he looks down at his beaten sneakers. Stream of memories crashes on him.

“Throw them Seongwu! Throw them!” his best friend urged him fervorously. They both stood behind the railing that kept them from the downhill part. Rows of houses awaited at the end. The declining part wasn’t steep but it consisted of a lot of scrubs here and there.

“What if we can’t find my shoes back?” asked Seongwu worriedly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll buy you a new one. Now, throw them and scream to your heart content,” it was a stupid idea of course, but they were young and it seemed plausible at that time.

So Seongwu did.

And he does it again now.

He musters all his strength and throws his shoes as far as he can while screaming at the top of his lung.

“AAAAAA,” the sound resonates through the empty place.

As he is running out of breath, a gentle wind passes by. Seongwu smiles. He looks up and lets the wind tousled his hair. Accompanied with the earthy smell from recent rain, he lets himself completely lulled by the nature.

He closes his eyes until he feel a sudden warm breeze wheezes by, as if saying, ‘ _You’ll be okay,’_

Again Seongwu smiles, “Yeah, I will,”

—

_Do you sometimes look at the sky and think of me?_

_Today, like always, I linger around you..._

—

There is something calming about beach in the winter. When the night is falling faster and soon enough, the stars appear prettily. The place is bare of people. One would say it is scary, but the crackle from his bonfire is an enough companion for him.

Seongwu sips his beer as he watches the waves come and go. He just won his first bid. The advertisement that he has worked hard on is chosen as the main campaign. After all the congratulations and euphoria, he feels this urge to spend the moment alone.

Here is where he ends up. Richmond beach, a beach in the suburb of Seattle that has nothing significantly special to be a tourist attraction, but has a special place in Seongwu’s heart.

“Don’t worry you’ll meet other good guy,” Seongwu slurred.

The bonfire illuminated his best friend’s figure. In his hazy state Seongwu remembered how clear Minhyun’s eyes are, so clear that he could see the bonfire dancing in it.

“I’m the one who broke up but why is you’re getting more drunk than I am?” though sitting upright, there was an undeniable wobble in his posture.

Seongwu scoffed, “Though you only had two sip of your beer, I know that we are equally drunk,”

“Oh really?” his friend straightened his sitting position and bugged out his eyes—as if it would help proving his sober state.

Laughter escaped him immediately. Minhyun might look calm and composed on most days, but to people whom he are closed with he is this ball of oddity whose way of thinking often amuse Seongwu.

Not delighted by the laughter, Minhyun pouted. It was clear that he was thinking hard to find other ways to prove him right. Seongwu took a gulp of his beer, ready to indulge in his antics—especially his drunken antics.

Honestly he would never expect to find Minhyun’s mouth suddenly covered his. He nibbled on his lower lip asking for an entrance. Too entranced from the whole thing, he unconsciously opened his mouth, welcoming the intrusion.

They kissed softly—under the stars in front of the bonfire. Seongwu still remembers how it tasted. Even with the salty air, damp hair, faint alcohol smell, it all seemed like a romantic dream at that time.

As expected, it was Seongwu who woke them up from their so called dream. They blamed their intoxicity for the act, but there’s something swirling in his heart at that time that he knew has nothing to do with the amount of alcohol he has taken.

‘Minhyun is his best friend’ was what he had assured himself back then.

If only he realized sooner.

A bitter smile decorates his face. What pass has passed, but Seongwu will always remember Richmond Beach as a place where he had their first kiss—his happy place.

—

_That day you last took your eyes off me I’m left alone in this place..._

—

Seongwu met his ex. He was on the way to grab his lunch. As he was feeling fancy, he walks an extra block to have his favorite pizza, Serious Pie.

Not watching where he walks, he bumps into a familiar Korean. His ex, Cha Eunwoo. He still looks handsome as he was back in college; still looks somehow similar to _him_.

“Hyung! I don’t know you’ve moved back here,” greets him in delight.

“Yeah it’s only been a couple of months,” answers him lightly.

They chatter about their life; asking about each other works and new phone number, promising to keep in contact. When they about to separate Eunwoo suddenly brings him up, “I heard about Minhyun hyung. I am so sorry. I hope you’ll find him soon,”

Long after their unexpected meeting, Seongwu is still left in a trance. It was because of Minhyun that they broke up, but what Eunwoo didn’t know was it was also Minhyun who encouraged Seongwu to accept his proposal before.

“Do you think I should?” Seongwu asked for the ninth time.

His friend walked amongst the cherry blossom as if he didn’t just say something trivial. As if he didn’t receive those signals Seongwu had been trying hard to send.

“If you want to.. Of course you should,” Minhyun was still busy admiring those cherry blossoms in full bloom, ignoring Seongwu’s presence behind him. Seongwu never hated cherry blossom as much as he did that day.

Probably realizing that Seongwu didn’t follow his steps, the taller finally turns to him. They were facing each other. The image of Minhyun from that day was still fresh in Seongwu’s memories.

Fresh white sweater over his blue cardigan with his Jansport backpack hung over one shoulder. He just finished his mid quarter exam. He really should catch his sleep, instead he chose to fulfil their petty promises to catch University of Washington—their college—famous cherry blossom hall.

Even though Minhyun exuded tired aura, Seongwu still thought that he complement the rows of cherry blossoms before him perfectly.

Unconsciously, Seongwu felt his heart beat picking up again. He scolded his useless heart wordlessly. It had been several months now since Seongwu realizes his not so casual feeling toward his best friend.

He really thought he had a chance before. Apparently it was only him reading the wrong signal all alone.

“I’ll date Eunwoo.. I guess,”

Seongwu had wanted Minhyun to stop him, to confess, to prove that they were something more than a friend.

Instead his friend smiled at him, “Congratulations, Seongwu-ah,”

It was the most painful congratulations that Seongwu had ever received.

If only they knew then, how short their time would be. Probably they could be more upfront, more daring. Alas, they were young, naively thinking that they have all the time in the world.

Just how wrong it turns out to be.

—

_When I opened my eyes, everyday I try to draw an image of you in my head_

_But I can’t reach you, and my heart crumbles_

—

The car is there. The old Hyundai sits nicely on Sungwoon’s garage all this time. Seongwu stops in his track abruptly.

The vacuum cleaner that he is supposed to find is now long forgotten as his fingers come into contact with the white surface.

‘Why are you here?’ he wants to ask, ‘You should be with your owner!’ he wants to shout. His heart beats so fast he is losing breath. He grabs the front of his t-shirt as if it will lessen the undeniable ache in his chest.

It only hurts more though. It hurts so bad that he is forced to fall down on his knees; gasping for air. All he can see is Minhyun on the driver seat. Rolling his window, proud smile on his lips as he calls, “Seongwu!”

He hadn’t been crying for a couple of weeks, but he does again now. Fresh stream of tears flow through, smashing down all the walls Seongwu had built.

How can he not? He can perfectly picture the man driving with the window down, the wind playing freely on his hair. Of course he would be humming on the songs they played. He love singing so much, he would never be able to shut up. Seongwu didn’t mind though. His voice was always soothing.

Their trip to Vancouver was the first road trip they had. Minhyun had just bought the car. One time they were lazing around in Seongwu’s room and in the spur of the moment, Minhyun threw the road trip idea. The next thing he knew, they were on their way to Vancouver.

It was 2am in the morning, but Seongwu convinced Minhyun that it would be okay. Vancouver was 2 hours away and Seongwu was a good substitute driver.

They ended up stopping the car in the rest area, both are too exhausted to continue the drive. Still it was okay. They laughed at it and caught some sleep. When they woke up, they laughed some more at their stupidity and continued their journey.

Both of them didn’t realize how everyone in Seattle had been panicking over them—especially Eunwoo. Their phone had run out of battery at some point of the journey and none of them had bothered to check their phone anyway.

It was always like that with Minhyun. They had so many things to talk about that phone had become an unnecessary distraction.

In the morning, they strolled in Granville Market to buy their breakfast while enjoying the sun out on the deck. They mostly talked. As if they didn’t just spend 2 hours driving full of talk as well.

They talked amidst those busy birds, screaming kids, and chattering crowds as if it was the most important conversation on earth. None of the talk Seongwu remembered now for they have talked about nothing indeed. That nothing, however, is essentially something that is them—a piece of Minhyun and Seongwu’s mind.

Come to think about it, it was the thing that made Seongwu fell harder. He loved, loves Minhyun for the man always made every nothing about Ong Seongwu matters—treasured.

Lots of thing after that was a blur to him. They didn’t have any itinerary and couldn’t go far as they had to head back in the evening. So, they mostly strolled around the city, stopping at whatever place they found interesting.

It was on the evening before they headed back when Seongwu suggested them to visit the famous Stanley Park. He always had a strange affection toward fall scenery. Those orange trees and falling leaves never fail to comfort him. So, there they went.

They managed to catch the scenery just before the sun was setting. The golden ray that peeked in between those orange maple trees would be a sight Seongwu engraved in his heart. Beside him, Minhyun too sat behind his wheel in awe. Together they sat still admiring the view until night fell upon them.

It was a different kind of magic happened at night. From the far distant the city is being lighted up mirroring little twinkling star that shone above them. It was marvelous.

“Why don’t you have a steady relationship, Minhyun-ah?” no longer able to hold the question in his heart, Seongwu thought it was a perfect place to bring it up.

It had been a couple of months since Seongwu learned of Minhyun newly adopted lifestyle—a series of one night stand. The first time Eunwoo pointed it out, Seongwu had been livid. ‘ _How dare you accuse my best friend of such thing_ ’ he said. However, it was harder to not catch the truth when Minhyun didn’t even bother to hide them.

Seongwu had wanted to confront him right away, but then Eunwoo made him realize that it was Minhyun’s right to choose whatever lifestyle he liked. It was hard to agree but it was the truth after all. So, Seongwu kept his quiet.

Being quiet however didn’t stop him to question Minhyun’s motives. He knew Minhyun enough to know that the boy had come from a warm family and that he wanted to create one of his own. So, this lifestyle he had just didn’t seem to fit the picture.

“Why do you care?” answered the taller after a long pause.

“Because you are my best friend?” was the only response Seongwu could give because the other option would be to tell his said best friend that he was fucking jealous since he had harboured this one-sided feeling to him all this time despite having a boyfriend.

Minhyun snickered at his answer.

“I could do whatever I want Seongwu,” it was the sign whenever Minhyun wanted to draw the line, but Seongwu was never one to obey the line anyway.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t. I was asking why,”

Minhyun shook his head slowly, partly frustrated, “Just because,”

To show his firm resolution in getting the answer, Seongwu opted to keep his silence.

Realizing the situation, the taller ruffled his hair in frustration, “it was convenient, okay? I was busy but I have my needs. The arrangement fits well,”

“So whoever it is doesn’t matter as long as you have your needs fulfilled?”

“I— yeah, probably.. well it is for now,”

“And that whoever includes me?”

Minhyun whipped his head so fast. His pupils were getting wider, it was so apparent despite the low light, “Where are you getting at, Seongwu-ah?” growled him lowly.

“I am just curious. Will I be able to fulfill your needs as well?” Seongwu shrugged nonchalantly.

Minhyun beat his head softly into the driving wheel. “You need to stop saying stuff you didn’t mean,”

The black-haired sneered, “Between us, you know you are the expert in that area. I hardly said stuff I didn’t mean,”

“So you’d do it with me if I ask?” Minhyun cornered Seongwu as if to prove his point, “Here?” he asked as his hands caged Seongwu in his seat.

Without thinking Seongwu claimed the mouth that were placed so near. It surprised Minhyun so much that it launched the taller back to the furthest side of his seat.

Furiously wiping his mouth, he groaned, “Don’t play games with me Seongwu,”

“I’m not. You are,”

“You have Eunwoo,” and it was as if cold bucket of water was thrown at them.

Seongwu was at a loss of words and Minhyun had grown cold in an instant.

Just like that they drove back to Seattle with silence burdening their every seconds.

The first Seongwu did was once they arrived was to break up with Eunwoo. He didn’t tell Minhyun though.

At least not yet. He needed to have some pride left to save.

—

_Still in the city where you left me._

_I want to go back._

_I want to find you._

—

It is a perfect day for a hike. The rare clear sky and bright sun with just a perfect amount of breeze. Why people bother to live in Seattle if they aren’t going to enjoy nature?

So, Seongwu decides to have one. A short hike. 2 hours time to reach the peak. He has it all ready. He prepares his lunch, rations his water, and picks his favorite snack. Then, he sets his camera and prepares his energetic playlist. It should be perfect.

Except he fails to calm the raging in his heart.

“I don’t understand why’d you have to do this,” Sungwoon comments as he watches Seongwu prepares his backpack.

“I have to,” the man in question shrugs carelessly.

“Do you want me to accompany you?” Though Sungwoon says it playfully, Seongwu detects the careful tone.

“I need to have this closure, hyung,” lets him out.

It is pretty embarrassing to have a closure this late, but Seongwu understands that his hyung is worry for him. It is the kind of worry that Seongwu can’t belittle on given the wild thumping he experiences now; even without setting foot outside the house.

“I know,” hushes Sungwoon before continuing, “but you don’t have to do this alone,”

“I have to,” is all he manages to say to get him here.

Here in the familiar place where they had gone together in a much better atmosphere. Seongwu remembered the annoyance and light teasing for he indeed had the stamina of a 50 years.

It is a walk through memories indeed. As if the summer of his senior year was just yesterday. Every step reminds him of eagerness and laughters. It was that one time where he found his 50 years old stamina useful for their hand hardly stop clasping at each other.

“Don’t let go! If I fall, I’d blame you for ages,” no, Seongwu wasn’t that tired yet. How could he when he felt the hand holding his a little tighter even though the man in front was shaking with laughter.

“It’s not even that steep Seongwu-ah,” but his hand was not leaving his—clasped together until the very peak.

They talked about their future on that peak; sitting on a rock watching rows of trees below them. How Seongwu longed to be close with his family, how Minhyun longed for a quieter life in Seattle away from Korean’s expectation. The path didn’t seem to merge for them.

“This wouldn’t work,” said Seongwu to more himself in particular.

“We could use the time we had left though?” Minhyun was someone full of positivity and that was another thing on the list of why Seongwu loves Hwang Minhyun.

Seongwu never regretted the 5 months they spent after that.

However as now he is reaching the peak himself; losing breath with empty hands, Seongwu can’t help but to wonder; if Minhyun had begged him to stay, won’t things be even better?

Perhaps they’d still be together—living in the house with a vast backyard like what Seongwu’s wanted. Perhaps they’d have one or two kids running around just like what Minhyun’s wanted. Perhaps they’d climb this mountain, singing songs and sharing laughter. _Together_.

If only he’s there, Minhyun wouldn’t have to climb this mountain alone. He didn’t have to lose his way alone. He might still be here and Seongwu’s hand perhaps might not be this cold.

Tears escape him again today. Today won’t be the last time he knows, but today he’s willing to let go.

To let _his_ laughter that are so fresh in his memories flies with the wind. Keeping the image of his smiling eyes tucked within his heart—letting it stay with all the memories Seongwu is now willing to neatly arranged in a safe place. _Locked_.

Seongwu looks at the scenery where they had everything started and letting the ache consumes him; drying up his tears, eating up his body, and taking control over his mind. He cries and cries until there is nothing left within him.

‘Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy now. For I, too, will try to be happy now. Annyeong Minhyun-ah’

—

_My faraway, other half universe_

_Even though you’re so small_

_You’re still so beautiful_

_Please be happy_

_My Universe_

—

**EXTRAS**

Snow doesn’t visit Seattle often. Seongwu doesn’t know whether to call it luck for having them in the first winter since he is back. While it is pretty and all, but that also means Seattle will be pretty much dead with no transportation running.

“You can join us,” Daniel’s voice creeps behind him, “You hate cold,”

Seongwu scoffs internally. Yeah, like he would intervene a couple’s new year eve dinner. He’d rather freeze outside.

“I’ve checked and they say the fireworks at the Space Needle is still on as they snow has stopped. You know I want to go there,” _it_ _was their last date_.

“And? You’re going to walk there?” asks Daniel full of doubt.

Well Seongwu will be doubtful too if he were him. Space Needle is 15 miles away. While it might be a possible distance to walk for some, it is not for Seongwu; not especially in this cold weather.

“I’ll manage. I’ll find lots of people on the way. I’d bet they’ll have cleaned the street after the show,” answers him in finality.

Behind him Daniel shrugs, “Stone head,” Seongwu him hears him whisper not too secretly.

“You do know you can come home anytime, right?” Sungwoon suddenly appears in his oversized pyjamas that make him look smaller than usual. (but still mighty mind you).

“Yep! Of course this is my house I know,” truth is he has been looking for a new place to stay. He feels like he has been intruding the couple way too much.

With that Sungwoon and Daniel let him go into the white. It was pretty and he enjoys the walk. Well.. at least for the first couple of minutes. Until he feels the cold is way too much for him to handle and watching fireworks doesn’t seem like a good plan anymore.

So here he is now, stranded in a bar not too far from his house but he never knew existed. It is surprisingly comfortable enough. With the loud noises and celebratory atmosphere, Seongwu can blend in and finally let loose of his happy facade. There are already so many people doing the job for him. All he wants to do is sulk in a corner.

Sipping his beers slowly Seongwu watches the animated crowd from his corner, not forgetting to throw a disgusted look at every PDAs he sees. He knows he is in a bar, but who cares he’s just feeling like it.

Okay he is alone on New Year's Eve, he is allowed to be bitter.

That is until he recognizes a familiar fox eyes in the crowd. The eyes that looking straight back at him.

Probably, just probably this might not just be another New Year's Eve after all.

—

~~I’m in a city alone~~

_As the last station is also the first one,_

_Our destiny is that we’ll meet again._

—

**Author's Note:**

> So that’s it.
> 
> Excerpts used are lyrics from bol4’s seattle alone and minhyun’s universe.
> 
> Seattle is a city close to my heart I hope i didn’t just ruin it with this. Pls give it a visit :)) in case you miss it above here is the notes of the place i’ve mentioned:  
> https://www.dropbox.com/s/3anx50wbhq6fm3r/Seattle.docx?dl=0
> 
> So i hope you enjoy the story of course. If it’s too confusing pls leave a comment anywhere you want to :) anonymous is find with me. I would rly to hear your thought on this. 
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading :))))


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